Pressure
by Phoenix-Flower92
Summary: I was selfish, and now I have to pay. A Justin-centered fic
1. It's not easy to explain

Some things are just not easy to explain.

I really couldn't explain this, as I sat trembling on the street, waiting for help. My head was pounding, and I was dizzy and nauseous and I really just wanted to die which was ironic because I had the chance and I escaped it.

I was selfish and I escaped Death. I was selfish and I would be forced to live with it. I didn't know what was to happen, but I did know nothing good would soon follow all the mistakes I had made tonight.

"Sir, have you been drinking tonight?" My heart lurched, and I jumped up, glancing around, but there wasn't anyone there. Not yet anyways. For the moment, I was just being paranoid.

I swallowed hard though, and in the distance I could hear the sirens, and suddenly I was inhaling and exhaling in a panicked fashion. I couldn't do this; I couldn't stay here. I would be arrested. I would go to prison. I had to leave. I had to run. I had to get home. I couldn't be seen.

I think I was crying as I pulled out my wand. "I can't do this, I can't be here, take me now safely to my room!" I cried. In a flash, I was standing in my dark bedroom, in the middle of the room.

The house was silent, so silent that it hurt. It was three in the morning, so of course everyone by now was asleep. I should be asleep. Instead, I was shaking hard, and I still had no explanation for anything I had done. I was Justin Russo; I never did anything that didn't contribute to my future title of valedictorian. I never did anything that I knew I would regret.

Except for tonight. Tonight, I did everything wrong, and I would regret every moment from now on.


	2. Zeke

I was there.

Loud music, people dancing to the beat. Lots of red plastic cups full of beer. Lots of making out. Such a crazy party, and there I was. I'd never been to a party in my life. Why I'd chosen the craziest party of the year to attend once I did decide to attend one…I wasn't sure.

"Justin!" someone shouted, "Justin! Justin, let's dance!"

I moved through the crowd, and as I moved, I was dancing. Dancing, dancing, dancing….

Waking up. I was waking up to the brightness of morning. I moaned deeply, and my head throbbed, but I supposed after such a crazy night, that was expected. I deserved it.

"Justin?" I sat up in bed to see my sister Alex in my room. She was sitting in the chair at my desk.

"W--What are you doing in here?" I asked, but my stomach somersaulted and I already knew.

Alex's eyes were glistening, "I didn't want to wake you. I wanted you to sleep well…because…oh, Justin," She broke down, large black tears streaming down her face.

I slipped out of my bed and walked over to her, embracing her and playing dumb, "Alex, what's wrong?"

"Justin, you'd be better off not knowing," she cried.

I allowed her to cry for a few more minutes, and then, she spoke again, "It's…you remember that party mom and dad said you couldn't go to?"

My heart was working overtime inside my chest. It was beating so hard I was sure it would break right through my chest and land on the floor, labeled, "bad." I had a bad heart. I had a bad soul. I was a bad person.

"What happened?" was all I could manage to say.

"Justin, thank God you didn't go. You would have went with him, Justin. You would have rode with him."

I knew exactly who _he _was, but I asked anyways. "Alex…who? What happened?"

She was looking down now, at the deep blue carpet of my room, "Zeke." she said.

Then she shook her head and quickly stood to her feet, "I can't do this!" She ran out of my room, and I could hear her feet pounding down the stairs, and I wasn't sure what to do. What would I have done if I hadn't gone to the party? If I didn't already know what had happened? I couldn't remember who I used to be because I knew it didn't matter. Whoever I was yesterday morning didn't matter, because that part of Justin was gone.

I closed my eyes, and I just stood in the same spot that I had stood the night before, right as I'd transported myself to my room in about the fiftieth selfish act of the night. I stood there in shock, just like last night, and someone was climbing the stairs.

"Sweetie?" It was mom this time.

"Hey," I said as she crossed the room over to me.

"Hey," she gave me a half-smile. "Sweetie, how about you sit down?"

I obeyed. I went back to my bed, and I sat on the edge of it, and she sat next to me.

"There's a lot of pressure in school, Justin. I'm sure you know this," She said. Pressure. Ha! It was almost funny that she'd begun in such a way.

"I know," I nodded.

"You felt pressure yesterday, honey, but I told you no for a good reason. If you'd gone, there would have been more pressure. Going to that party would not have just ended the pressure to do things. Zeke still went without you…and Zeke…he'd been drinking, with a big group of friends, and he'd drove to that party…"

I was crying along with my mother, but she continued, "Zeke still decided to drive home afterwards. It was early in the morning, and he was with several other people, all drunk…Justin…Justin, the car crashed."

I pretty much knew he wasn't, but I asked, "Is he okay?"

She shook her head, and she shook with tears, "Zeke is dead."


End file.
